you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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