i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
