so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
