brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
