I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
