dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
