rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
