You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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