I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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