I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
