well most of my day revolves around power hour
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
