Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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