Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
