I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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