I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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