Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
