i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀