the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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