i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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