Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize