2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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