I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
