Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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