Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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