Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
