your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
