Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
