If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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