He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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