please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
