"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
50% drunk capacity currently
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pants are for mortals
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
