Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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