it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
