Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
