I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
