My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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