im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
