There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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