when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Two words: nipple clamps
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