i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
