What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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