dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
