You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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