In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
