i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
