i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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