Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
