I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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