Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
