I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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