I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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