Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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