Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
