THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
