stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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