I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize