I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Shame - the story of my life.
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