I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize