i would punch a child for taco bell
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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