JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
