PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
